networking v. (21st-century definition): (1) treating a room full of beautiful human beings like instruments (who might further your career); (2) talking to individuals you’d rather not talk to (because you think they might prove useful to you at some point); (3) pretending to care about people you don’t care about (because you want them to care about you in the future); (4) speculative selfishness; (5) socially-sanctioned form of sociopathic behavior; (6) politically-correct knavery; (7) a gross violation of Kantian ethics.

—John Faithful Hamer, From Here (2015)

p.s. Best networking scene ever:

About John Faithful Hamer

John Faithful Hamer is a college professor who still can't swim, drive, or pay his bills on time. His sense of direction is notoriously unreliable, yet he'd love to tell you where to go. His lack of practical skills is astounding, and his inability to fix things is renowned, yet he'd love to tell you what to do. His mismanagement of time is legendary, as is his inability to remember appointments, yet he fancies himself a philosopher and would love to tell you how to live. He wouldn't survive in a state of nature, of that we can be sure; but he's doing quite well in the big city, which has always been a refuge for the ridiculous, a haven for the helpless, and a friend to the frivolous.

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