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During the prolonged power outage caused by The Great Ice Storm of 1998, we huddled together by candle light with our friends and family, playing Scrabble, Asshole, and Hearts.

Though he’s normally an obnoxious loudmouth who dominates the household conversation, and refuses to let anyone else get a word in edgewise, Mr. T.V. was deliciously silent during the Ice Storm. Same is true of F.M. & A.M. & P.C.

Sailors who succumb to the sweet soporific song sung by the sexy Siren sisters rarely live to tell the tale—and yet here we all were: wide awake, asleep no longer, strangely sober for a spell.

Looking back at the foreign country of our pre-Ice Storm lives, we all wondered (sometimes aloud): What were we thinking? My God! What the fuck were we thinking? When did we decide that sleepwalking through midlife—at breakneck speed—was better than this: this warmly-lit world filled with friendly faces and quiet spaces?

If I ever wake up, I’ll tell you.

—John Faithful Hamer, The Myth of the Fuckbuddy (2016)