Scandalous Thought Experiment

imagesIf a Shonda Rhimes show jumps the shark after the heroine’s fallen for every fine fella in the forest, does is it make a sound?

But seriously, what’s up with Scandal? The last two seasons have looked a whole lot like those soft-core foreign flicks from France teenagers watched late at night in Montreal, in the 1980s, on Bleu Nuit (with the sound off, of course).

Everyone on this show seems to find an excuse to have sex on a desk. Which is fine, I guess. But the excuses are often weird and random. She’ll be like, do you have a stapler, and he’ll be like, do I ever, and then she’ll be like, wanna show it to me, and he’ll be like, you bet, and then—bow chicka wow wow—they’re gettin’ it on again, on a perfectly clean desk.

—John Faithful Hamer, The Goldfish (2016)

About John Faithful Hamer

John Faithful Hamer is a college professor who still can't swim, drive, or pay his bills on time. His sense of direction is notoriously unreliable, yet he'd love to tell you where to go. His lack of practical skills is astounding, and his inability to fix things is renowned, yet he'd love to tell you what to do. His mismanagement of time is legendary, as is his inability to remember appointments, yet he fancies himself a philosopher and would love to tell you how to live. He wouldn't survive in a state of nature, of that we can be sure; but he's doing quite well in the big city, which has always been a refuge for the ridiculous, a haven for the helpless, and a friend to the frivolous.

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