Shit Aaron Says (season 6, episode 3)

Shit Aaron SaysProfessor Smartypants: “Tony Hoagland is the greatest poet of his generation.”

Aaron Haspel: “Nonsense. The man’s a hack. What he writes isn’t even poetry; it’s prose, and bad prose at that.”

Professor Smartypants: “You should know that I’ve got a PhD in this stuff. Been teaching it for years.”

Aaron Haspel: “Arguments from authority are rarely made by authorities.”

Professor Smartypants: “So you’re going to mansplain literature to me now?”

Aaron Haspel: “Sure. Shall we start with the Elizabethans?”

—John Faithful Hamer, The Myth of the Fuckbuddy (2016)

About John Faithful Hamer

John Faithful Hamer is a college professor who still can't swim, drive, or pay his bills on time. His sense of direction is notoriously unreliable, yet he'd love to tell you where to go. His lack of practical skills is astounding, and his inability to fix things is renowned, yet he'd love to tell you what to do. His mismanagement of time is legendary, as is his inability to remember appointments, yet he fancies himself a philosopher and would love to tell you how to live. He wouldn't survive in a state of nature, of that we can be sure; but he's doing quite well in the big city, which has always been a refuge for the ridiculous, a haven for the helpless, and a friend to the frivolous.

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