I Take Care of My City!

“Niggers always want some credit for some shit they supposed to do. For some shit they just supposed to do. A nigger will brag about some shit a normal man just does. A nigger will say some shit like, ‘I take care of my kids!’ You supposed to, ya dumb motherfucker!”—Chris Rock, Bring the Pain (1996)

walk it offImagine if you complained to a surgeon friend about the extraordinary number of patients Montreal hospitals were “losing” lately and she responded by saying, defensively: “Well, most of my patients live! But I don’t see you talking about that!” That’s what it’s like to talk to a cop about police violence in Montreal!

Imagine if you confronted a sleazy professor you know who’s sleeping with his 17-year-old student and he responded by saying (rather defensively): “Well, I don’t sleep with most of them! But I don’t see you talking about that!” That’s what it’s like to talk to a cop about police violence in Montreal!

Imagine if you caught your boyfriend cheating on you and he responded by saying: “Well, I don’t cheat on you most of the time! But I don’t see you talking about that!” That’s what it’s like to talk to a cop about police violence in Montreal!

I’m so sick and tired of cops I know telling me about all the great things they do in the city. As if it gives you the right to pepper spray an elementary school teacher in front of her students! As if it gives you the right to rough up an elementary school janitor for justifiably yelling at you for speeding through a red light (without your flashers on) in a school zone! Do you really think that doing lots of good stuff cancels this out?

I appreciate all the great work cops like you do, really I do. And I know it’s a tough job. And I know you don’t get nearly enough credit. But you seem to have forgotten that there are plenty of tough jobs in the city, plenty of people doing great work they don’t get nearly enough credit for (e.g., nurses, social workers, garbage collectors). There are plenty of heroes here. Not all of them cops. Plenty of martyrs too. Where did this whiny sense of victimization come from? This overgrown sense of your own importance?

All that great stuff you do for the city: you’re supposed to do it. It’s your fucking job! That’s what we pay you for. If you don’t like doing it, get another job.

—John Faithful Hamer, The Myth of the Fuckbuddy (2016)

About John Faithful Hamer

John Faithful Hamer is a college professor who still can't swim, drive, or pay his bills on time. His sense of direction is notoriously unreliable, yet he'd love to tell you where to go. His lack of practical skills is astounding, and his inability to fix things is renowned, yet he'd love to tell you what to do. His mismanagement of time is legendary, as is his inability to remember appointments, yet he fancies himself a philosopher and would love to tell you how to live. He wouldn't survive in a state of nature, of that we can be sure; but he's doing quite well in the big city, which has always been a refuge for the ridiculous, a haven for the helpless, and a friend to the frivolous.

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