A Montreal Moment

First Alex said: “Trying to watch three straight hours of Mixed Martial Arts is like trying to watch three straight hours of porn. After ten minutes, you’re like, dude, I’m done, seriously, I’m done. Can we turn this shit off?” Then Sophia looked up and said: “Heaven help us.” To which Belinda responded: “Why. Even. Bother?” Stretch just laughed: “Lighten up, friendly assassins. Have another brew.” Soup shook his head and said: “I’ve really gotta stop fucking below my pay-grade.” And everyone laughed, everyone but Blue. He was light years away, on the other end of the room, staring out the window, and fingering his confirmation cross absentmindedly. The River had his full attention. The view from Soup’s overpriced bachelor pad really was second to none. He smiled and turned to his friends: “Animism’s what happens to monotheism when it moves to Montreal.”

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—John Faithful Hamer, The Myth of the Fuckbuddy (2016)

About John Faithful Hamer

John Faithful Hamer is a college professor who still can't swim, drive, or pay his bills on time. His sense of direction is notoriously unreliable, yet he'd love to tell you where to go. His lack of practical skills is astounding, and his inability to fix things is renowned, yet he'd love to tell you what to do. His mismanagement of time is legendary, as is his inability to remember appointments, yet he fancies himself a philosopher and would love to tell you how to live. He wouldn't survive in a state of nature, of that we can be sure; but he's doing quite well in the big city, which has always been a refuge for the ridiculous, a haven for the helpless, and a friend to the frivolous.

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