Rollergirl: The Climate Denier

287925_10150255289186551_6917596_o“That’s it! I’m done! I refuse! I refuse to believe in the Montreal winter.” That’s what Rollergirl said. It was a cold day in January. The Bible says that if you’ve got faith as big as a mustard seed you can tell mountains to move and they’ll move. On that fateful day, Rollergirl’s faith was at least as big as a mustard seed. She went on what can only be described as an anti-climatic strike. She took off her parka and put on a bikini. Made some drinks. Invited some friends. Put together a kick-ass mix-tape. And made her way over to the Laurier Park pool. I know it sounds crazy, I know it sounds nuts, but the universe gave way to her will on that grey day in January: the snow and ice melted in minutes before our very eyes. The water in the pool was crystal clear and warm as bath water, not long after that. Then the clouds parted to reveal a bright sun shining in a beautiful blue sky. I’ve never seen anything like it before or since. It was, well, nothing short of a miracle. Outside the pool, winter reigned still; but for a magical afternoon in January, we had summer in the pool. Such is the power, you see, of Rollergirl’s hotness; such is the power of her faith!

—John Faithful Hamer, From Here: A Love Letter to Montreal (2017)

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About John Faithful Hamer

John Faithful Hamer is a college professor who still can't swim, drive, or pay his bills on time. His sense of direction is notoriously unreliable, yet he'd love to tell you where to go. His lack of practical skills is astounding, and his inability to fix things is renowned, yet he'd love to tell you what to do. His mismanagement of time is legendary, as is his inability to remember appointments, yet he fancies himself a philosopher and would love to tell you how to live. He wouldn't survive in a state of nature, of that we can be sure; but he's doing quite well in the big city, which has always been a refuge for the ridiculous, a haven for the helpless, and a friend to the frivolous.

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