“That’s it! I’m done! I refuse! I refuse to believe in the Montreal winter.” That’s what Rollergirl said. It was a cold day in January. The Bible says that if you’ve got faith as big as a mustard seed you can tell mountains to move and they’ll move. On that fateful day, Rollergirl’s faith was at least as big as a mustard seed. She went on what can only be described as an anti-climatic strike. She took off her parka and put on a bikini. Made some drinks. Invited some friends. Put together a kick-ass mix-tape. And made her way over to the Laurier Park pool. I know it sounds crazy, I know it sounds nuts, but the universe gave way to her will on that grey day in January: the snow and ice melted in minutes before our very eyes. The water in the pool was crystal clear and warm as bath water, not long after that. Then the clouds parted to reveal a bright sun shining in a beautiful blue sky. I’ve never seen anything like it before or since. It was, well, nothing short of a miracle. Outside the pool, winter reigned still; but for a magical afternoon in January, we had summer in the pool. Such is the power, you see, of Rollergirl’s hotness; such is the power of her faith!
—John Faithful Hamer, The Myth of the Fuckbuddy (2016)