Six Rules of Break-Up Ethics

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“There’s nothing like the unexpected divorce of friends to remind you you’re not watching closely enough.”–George Murray, Glimpse (2010)

(1) Everything you do to hurt your ex, hurts your kids.

(2) Don’t air your dirty laundry on social media. Remember: bad memories fade, but Facebook’s forever.

(3) Resist the urge to exaggerate. It really wasn’t that bad.

(4) Don’t say mean things about your ex’s family. Those are good people! And, regardless, if you and your ex have children, you’re going to be related to those people for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not—so bite your tongue!

(5) Say what you’ve gotta say to each other, but don’t over do it. Remember: if you and your ex have children, you’re going to be a part of each other’s lives forever, whether you like it or not—so bite your tongue!

(6) Remember Rheault’s Rule: Unless you opt for abandonment, marriage is forever when you have kids; divorce merely adds new circumstances to manage in the relationship.

—John Faithful Hamer, The Myth of the Fuckbuddy (2016)

About John Faithful Hamer

John Faithful Hamer is a college professor who still can't swim, drive, or pay his bills on time. His sense of direction is notoriously unreliable, yet he'd love to tell you where to go. His lack of practical skills is astounding, and his inability to fix things is renowned, yet he'd love to tell you what to do. His mismanagement of time is legendary, as is his inability to remember appointments, yet he fancies himself a philosopher and would love to tell you how to live. He wouldn't survive in a state of nature, of that we can be sure; but he's doing quite well in the big city, which has always been a refuge for the ridiculous, a haven for the helpless, and a friend to the frivolous.

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